7 ways to know when it's over
‘It’s over’ is not a bearable thought. And obviously, letting go of the most beautiful relationship of your life easily makes no sense. And that is why I wrote about the 9 ways to Save a Failing Relationship. But even a romantic like me knows that saving all dying relationships might not be possible. What then?
How can you know if your relationship really is over? How to know whether you are spending your time on a relationship that can be revived or whether you are wasting your time on a deadened relationship.
Here are 7 ways to help you take life’s most difficult decision:
1. Burst the bubble
The first and the biggest step you might have to take would be of accepting that this once-beautiful-but-not-so-beautiful-anymore relationship might be coming to an end. Yes, it would not be easy. And yes, it probably would be a life-altering thought. But what good can living in denial do to you?
Asking yourself whether this relationship deserves all the effort you are putting in might never help you. So don’t. But then there is a nagging voice inside your head that is bothering you, right? Unless you are the psyched person who has always been worried about the relationship coming to an end, it is because your all-powerful subconscious mind has been picking up hints that you are consciously avoiding to see. So answer this question first – why is your instinct telling you that it might be over?
The idea of quality time might be superficially different for each couple. You might consider a great conversation over an intimate dinner as quality time while someone might consider a quiet drive as quality time. But under it all, it is the happiness that you feel after having spent a considerable amount of time with your better-half.
Has that changed? Have you been listening to excuses for why spending time together is not possible this time, and the next time, and the next? Have you been lying to yourself by calling the excuses as valid reasons? Have you been justifying your partner’s absence to yourself?
Now consider this – is it truly impossible for your partner’s schedule to change so that you can once again spend some time together?
3. Broken Communications
Remember what got you together? Long hours on the phone chatting into the night when you got to know each other… sharing stories about your childhood, your favorite memories, your secret desires… talking about your problems… making the other laugh when they’d hit a low… this was how it began, it defined your relationship.
It is obvious that after some time you might not be left with any new stories to tell. But conversations still need to flow freely. Do they not?
Try going to a place with no distractions and attempt to fill the void. Share, talk, communicate. Minor problems have known to spiral into unnecessary issues if not spoken out. So talk it all out. Hold each other’s hands and bare your soul. However if it is difficult to simply talk to each other, isn’t it apparent in itself?
4. You are off sex
The honeymoon period in every relationship is the time when you just cannot keep your hands off each other. A little ebb in your sexual desires is understandable, however if your sex life has gone from 10 to 0 because one of you has completely lost the desire, it might be an indication.
Doesn’t necessarily mean that you need to give up though! Try bringing the zing back in the bedroom. But if you’re both still not jumping at each other, it is self-evident.
5. Kingdom of Boredom
Routine can quickly become boring, especially to our generation. We are people with low patience levels. All work and no play is a phrase we can no more relate to. We’ll work hard but we need to have fun, harder.
Has your relationship stopped being fun? Have you stopped laughing, smiling, giggling together? Has your life becoming nothing but a routine? And, are you bored of your partner?
6. It’s only You
I have known many of my friends who have been in a one-sided relationship. No, they weren’t all crazy to be in one! Their partners had given up on them and their relationship long time back and they continued to cling on, in hope.
Is it that you are trying to work out problems with your partner but they never make an effort? Are they not interested in solving the issues? Are you busy fighting a lost battle only because you are scared to see the truth that’s been dancing naked in front of you?
7. High-conflict Relationship
Does your relationship feel like a unpredictable time bomb that can go off any minute? One minute you both are talking normally and the next minute one of you hits the roof? Is it nearly impossible for the two of you to reach a mid-ground and come to an agreement?
A high-conflict relationship is one of the most common outcomes of a relationship that has lost its love. It is an outcome of a relationship between two people who need a way out and are stuck together for reasons unfathomable. A high-conflict relationship leads to unhappiness, troubles and arguments that can end draining every last drop of blood.
To most of us, relationships mean a promise of limitless, infinite love that bounds us in to a forever togetherness. But there is something else a relationship is supposed to do, or rather your partner is supposed to do. Your partner is supposed to make you happy, your partner is supposed to be happy with you, your partner is supposed to want you, need you, love you, respect you, trust you.
Don’t take a fall for a crumbling relationship. One life is all you get.