9 ways to Save a Failing Relationship
Relationships are neither easy nor difficult. But people are. People can be difficult; can make your life harder; can create complications.
And isn’t that why in today’s fast-paced life we treat people as exchangeable? If your partner is making your life difficult in the slightest way, it is easy to dump and move on to another partner. The new partner may be better, but when will you realize that even this new man or woman will have some faults, some defects, some issues, and will need some fixing? Or will you ever?
Do you wonder why your friend has found the perfect guy but you are just not able to… even though you are truly trying? Do you wonder why you face disappointment after disappointment, again and again?
We learn from our experiences. We learn from our mistakes. And we carry the baggage into the next relationship. So does our partner. Our independence, our self-esteem, our need to be in a easy & happy relationship, our distaste for putting work into our relationship… at an extreme, these attitudes can be our fault, the reason. So what to do? Never give up?
A start of a new relationship often comes bearing wounds, waiting to be healed by the partner, and the person’s flaws that the couple needs to work on together. And a relationship that can endure the test of times, where you can talk things out with your partner without having finite effects, where giving up is not even treated as an option – such a relationship is what a real relationship looks and feels like. It may test your patience and your tolerance, however you will get a stable love-relationship for life.
Having said it all… here are the 9 ways you can work on your failing relationship and save it:
1. Remind yourself why you are together
You will never give your 100% for something unimportant or insignificant. So before you set out on the journey to save your relationship, remind yourself why. Remind yourself about the good times, about how amazing a person your partner is, about all those qualities that you are thankful that he or she possesses. Remind yourself why you are together.
There is nothing like effective and sane communication. Effective, which means your message needs to reach your partner clearly, without misunderstandings. And sane, meaning that you need to talk your concerns out without overwhelming them.
Talk about your concerns, through and through. Let your partner know about your stupidest fears and your most intimate insecurities. If you can’t bare your soul in front of them, what’s the point? But don’t just talk, listen too. Sounding your story off and ending the conversation is the worst idea. Get them talking, ask them about their opinion, their views, their perspectives; ask them to bare their soul to you too.
3. No memorabilia
Remember that huge fight that you had the last time? Do you remember how it started off because of a really stupid thing and then ended up being the ugliest fight because you both reminded each other of every single past mistake you could remember?
It is the most common mistake couples do. A fight escalates because each fight brings with it the hurt from the past that you haven’t yet completely dealt with. Don’t do that to each other. Mistakes and fights are not keepsakes. Don’t treasure them. And don’t excavate them out each time.
4. Let go a little
Since a relationship involves someone apart from just you, there are bound to be difference in opinions at some point or the other. As long as your relationship isn’t going downhill because it involves lying, cheating, violence or different life-aims, letting go might not be such a bad idea.
When you hold on to a hurtful instance, it consumes you, slowly at first and then before you know it, completely. Forgiving your partner for whatever mistakes you think they did will never be enough unless you move on from it. Let go, little at a time, and soon you will have let go off all those things that were pulling you away.
5. No games
Power games are a common phenomenon in love relationships. Ignoring your partner or throwing a tantrum in an attempt to seek attention might be able to get immediate results. But in the long run, it will affect your relationship. Unless you want them to lose interest in you, stop playing games.
6. Have fun
Once the honeymoon period of your relationship is over, life gets pretty boring easily. Agreed, routine is boring. But isn’t complaining about it and doing nothing boring-er?
All you need to feel better is to have fun. No excuses anymore. Make time. Take your partner on a fun date like the old times… get out of town for the weekend… party till you are dead tired… get drunk… have drunk sex… tell your partner that they are amazing… Enjoy yourself. Have fun.
7. Get cheesy
Romance doesn’t only mean flowers or a candle-light dinner. It is a state of a mind that you are in; and everything that you do from that state of mind will lead to a romantic time. And trust me when I say this, romance is totally, completely underrated.
Get cheesy, cook a nice dinner for them, look good, smell good, light candles, surprise them. Or you could simply take them out on a romantic date, hold hands, stare into each others eyes and tell them that you love them, truly, infinitely. Get it on, get the juices flowing once again!
8. Cut the others out
We all have that one friend who tells us that we can do so much better than him or her, at the first sight of trouble. Agreed, the friend means well. But they aren’t you.
They don’t know how awesome your partner makes you feel about you, how deeply you feel about your partner. They don’t know all those times when you needed someone and your partner was there, and just how important it was to you. They don’t know every little special thing your partner has done for you. So work on your relationship without that friend’s voice ringing in your head… cut it out.
9. Take up a project
Not all problems can be solved jointly. A major part of the problem might be you and your passion which might be too partner-focused.
Take up a project so that your mind doesn’t delve on your partner throughout time. When you are passionate about something apart from your relationship, it will take pressure off your partner too. Not only will you get to revive that lost passion, your partner will be considerably eased at getting time off. Definitely won’t hurt your relationship.
Staying in a relationship that’s breaking you isn’t healthy. But giving up on a relationship because of a few hurdles is being lazy and taking a coward’s way out. Work on it, this might be the one.